60 Best Funny Golf Quotes – 60 Funny Golf One Liners

In case you have been searching for “Funny Golf Quotes” or “Funny Golf One Liners”, then you are at the right place.

Even for the most skilled players, golf takes a lot of time to master. The good news is that those times spent playing golf are a wonderful opportunity to unwind and have a good time with friends, acquaintances, and foes. Most humorous golf ball sayings and golf expressions are quotations from many sources that are really relevant to what you might see or think when playing golf.

This article contains quotations by poets, writers, and influential figures about Funny Golf Quotes.  Let us explore

Funny Golf Quotes And Funny Golf One Liners

Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say Man we shot 66 today. But go out and shoot 77 and they say Hell, he shot 77. – Lee Trevino (PGA Hall of Fame Golfer)

Nobody but you and your caddy care what you do out there, and if your caddy is betting against you, he doesn’t care either. – Lee Trevino

Hell I’m going to make so much money this year, my caddy will make the top twenty money-winners list. – Lee Trevino

Make friends with your caddy and the game will make friends with you. – Stephen Potter, Golf Writer

Hockey is a sport for white men. Baseball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. – Tiger Woods

The only time I talk on the golf course is to my caddy. And then only to complain when he has given me the wrong club. – Seve Ballesteros (PGA Hall of Fame Golfer)

I know you can be fined for throwing a club, but I want to know if you can get fined for throwing a caddy. – Tommy Bolt, US Open Champion 1958

After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the PGA Tour. Like the last time I asked my caddy for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. – Chi Chi Rodriquez, PGA Hall of Fame

I never had one thought all week. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. I’d say how hard do I hit it, he’d tell me and I’d swing. The guys who come down once a year and try to get smart with Mr. Jones’ course are the dumb ones. – Fuzzy Zoeller (on his US Masters win at the first attempt)

A recent survey said that a caddy lives the longest of all jobs. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there ever is a medical emergency, there is always a doctor nearby. – Unknown

I was lying ten and had a thirty-five-foot putt. I whispered over my shoulder, how does this one break? My caddie says Who cares! – Jack Lemmon, Actor & Comedian

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a bunker. For that, I have a caddy. – Bob Hope, Actor & Comedian

If your caddy coaches you on the tee, ‘Hit it down the left side with a little draw,‘ ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to hit the caddy. – Jim Murray, American Sportswriter

They call it golf because the other four-letter words were taken. – Ray Floyd, PGA Hall of Fame

If you get caught on the course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, then hold up your one-iron; even god cannot hit a one-iron. – Lee Trevino

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husband’s work. – Lee Trevino

On being asked before the final round what he needed to shoot to win the tournament – ‘the rest of the field. – Roger Maltbie, PGA Tour & TV Commentator

Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn’t float too well. – Craig Stadler, PGA Tour, 1982 Masters Champion

I’m working as hard I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything would be perfect. – Doug Sanders, PGA Tour

I have a tip that can take five shots off everyone’s game. It’s called an eraser. – Arnold Palmer, ‘The King’

If profanity influenced the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. – Horace G. Hutchinson, 2-Time British Amateur Champion

Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. – Jack Benny, American Comedian

I went to play golf to try and shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead. – Bob Hope

I don’t care to join any club that’s prepared to have me as a member. – Groucho Marx, American Comedian & Actor

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you cannot improve your lie. – George Deukmejian, Diplomat

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can’t see him laughing. – Phyllis Diller – American Actress

Golf is an easy game…It’s just hard to play.

I wish I could play my normal game…just once.

If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is the beginning of the next group of three.

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

Sex and golf are the only two things you can enjoy if you’re not good at either. – Kevin Costner, Actor

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. – Dean Martin, Singer & Actor

Golf is a game whose aim is to get a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. – Winston Churchill, UK Politician & Author

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. – Lord Robertson of Port Ellen, UK Politician

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. – Jack Lemmon

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk, and a moose. – Gerald Ford, US President

I’m getting better at golf now because I’m hitting fewer spectators. – Gerald Ford

The golf swing is like a suitcase in which we are trying to pack one too many things. – John Updike, American Novelist

Golf is a game where you yell “Fore”, shoot six and write down five – Napolean Hill, American Author

The least things upset him on the links. That last missed short putt was because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadow. – PG Wodehouse, UK Author & Humourist

There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf. – Andrew Perry, Sportswriter

The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music.

A gimme can be best defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well

Many golfers prefer a cart to a caddy because a cart can’t count, criticize or laugh.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

A good golf partner is always slightly worse than you are – and that’s why I get so many calls to play with friends.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Are we playing by men’s rules today, or do we count every putt?!! (Lady golfer)

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.

I shot one under at golf today. One under a tree, one under a bush and one under the water.

Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, they’re sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy some more.

Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken.

In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers… they shoot a “six”, yell “fore” and write “five”.

I play in the low 80’s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.

A “gimme” is probably best defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.

Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early.

“Golf is a good walk spoiled” – Mark Twain