Top 60 Funny Dark Jokes For Adults
In case you have been searching for “Best Dark Puns and Jokes” or Dark Jokes One Liner, then you are at the right place.
Dark humor jokes should be reserved for the most intimate friend circles or those who possess a keen ability to sense the room. While these jokes might not be the most effective method to lighten the mood of your coworkers or in-laws, they might elicit a few smiles from your friends or similarly twisted relatives. It is debatable whether to tell dark humor quips, but it is safer to take the chance!
This article contains quotations by poets, writers, and influential figures about Dark Humor Jokes. Let us explore
Dark Humor Puns for Instagram And Dark Jokes One-Liner
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.
I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. But, I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one of those. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I told a girl, “You look great without glasses” She said, “But I don’t wear glasses.” I replied, while polishing my lenses, “Yeah, but I do.”
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
You know you’re not well-liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
A priest asks the convicted murderer in the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies
What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.
“Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” the patient asked. “To the morgue,” the doctor replied. “What?” The patient panicked. “But I’m not dead yet!” “And we’re not there yet,” the doctor said.
What’s worse than a lobster on your piano? Crabs on your organ.
I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance I told her, “Thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.”
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
“I work with animals,” a guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he replies.
Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
What’s the special dish in a restaurant for cannibals? Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes
Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
I know a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
I childproofed my house. Somehow they still got in!
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
I heard Sony is coming out with a new video game console to help us get through the pandemic. It’s called the Plaguestation 5.
I’ve stopped making jokes about Covid to my brother. They flu over his head.
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
My daughter asked me how stars die. “Usually an overdose,” I told her.
What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? Not a word.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Since the pandemic started, my husband just stands there sadly looking through the window. I should probably go let him inside.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.
What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why was the leper hockey game canceled? It was because of a face-off in the corner.
