Engagement Ceremony in Indian Marriages: Everything you should know!

Indians have an engagement ceremony to formalize the wedding. Most of the time, the couple, their close relatives, and their friends conduct the engagement ceremony. 

Unlike in the west, where ring exchange is the most important part of the engagement ceremony, Indians do not traditionally have that custom. 

So what exactly is involved in an Indian engagement ceremony? Let us find out!

Little facts about how the engagement ceremony commences?

An engagement ceremony, irrespective of the religion, involves gift exchange and some religious rituals. The ceremony starts with the groom’s family asking the bride’s family for her hand in the marriage. 

After the official ceremonies end, everyone gets to eat traditional food.  Different Indian cultures have different names to define a Hindu engagement ceremony. For instance, it is called Sagai in Hindi and Nischayam in Malayalam. 

Different parts of an engagement ceremony

When we look into the nuances of engagement ceremony customs followed across the country, we notice lots of similarities. 

For instance, in most cultures, families involved will create a Lagna Patrika or a wedding letter, which denotes a promise that both the families will successfully perform the marriage on a pre-fixed date. 

In other Indian cultures, an engagement ceremony involves the exchange of horoscopes and fixing the marriage date. 

The length of the period between engagement and wedding will differ according to culture and convenience. 

• In some communities, the engagement ceremony will precede the wedding by a few months to even one year. 
• There are some communities where an engagement takes place a few days before the wedding.

Today, the gap between the engagement ceremony and wedding is decided by the convenience of the bride’s and groom’s family rather than by tradition. 

In recent times, some communities deliberately keep a gap of a few months between the engagement and the wedding so that the bride and groom can get to know each other before the marriage. 

It helps ease the tension and anxiety that couples feel in arranged marriages. The father of the bride and the groom have a central role to play in an engagement ceremony. 

Customs like the groom’s father asking for the bride’s father to officiate the ceremony by allowing the bride’s hand in marriage depicts the significant role that fathers play.

The mutual agreement to commit to a marriage between the bride’s and the groom’s family is called “Wagdaan”. 

Some cultures have a pre-engagement ceremony as well. For instance, Roka is conducted in Punjabi weddings before the actual engagement ceremony. 

What about the exchange of rings in the engagement ceremony? 

You must have seen the ring exchange ceremony as part of the engagement in most functions these days. Oddly, it is not part of the traditional Indian engagement ceremony. 

Indian culture does not have a custom of ring exchange during the engagement ceremony. It’s very peculiar that Indian traditions do not have the exchange of rings associated with marriage because finger rings are a favorite piece of jewelry amongst people in the country. 

But lately, ring exchange is conducted in most engagement ceremonies. 

Since the ring exchange is not originally part of the ceremony, the bride and groom exchange the ring after all the religious functions of the engagement ceremony get over. 

The ring exchange ceremony might have gotten into Indian engagement ceremonies today due to the Western influence. 

In western culture, ring exchange marks the engagement ceremony. Western couples will propose to each other and decide to marry. They let their friends and family know about it through an engagement ceremony. 

Indians may have adopted only the ring exchange part of this western tradition as arranged marriages continue to dominate the Indian wedding scenario even today.

What are the other customs associated with the engagement ceremony?

The exchange of gifts is a fun part of the engagement ceremony. From traditional gifts to sweets, the bride’s and groom’s families exchange different kinds of gifts between themselves. 

These days, the bride and the groom also exchange expensive gifts like watches, mobile phones, and jewelry. 

• There is also a custom where the mother-in-law gifts jewelry to the bride. 
• Jewelry and cash are the most common gifts exchanged. 
• Sweets and fruits are also gifted as a symbolic representation of health and well-being. 
• Both parties take special care to wrap the presents in beautiful covers and hand them over in handwoven gift containers. 

Engagement ceremonies across India 

As mentioned earlier, there are so many variations in the way people conduct an engagement ceremony in different parts of the country. 

Beyond the difference in terms used to describe an engagement ceremony, there are regional differences in the customs. Even those regions close to each other may not have similar customs. 

• In Kerala, the engagement ceremony called ‘Nischayam’ involves the exchange of horoscopes, declaration of marriage date, and ring exchange by bride and groom. 
• In Tamil Nadu, the ceremony is called ‘Nischitartham’ and has many other traditional customs as part of the engagement like a gift exchange. 
• Similarly, there are many variations of engagement ceremonies in India. While ‘Ashirbaad’ precedes Bengali marriages, Shagan precedes Punjabi weddings. 
• The Marwari community has ‘Mudha Tika’ as the engagement ceremony. 

Within a state or region, there are different terms for the engagement ceremony concerning the caste or community the families belong to. 

Concluding thoughts 

Though the name and form of engagement ceremonies are different, they serve the same purpose. 

Engagement celebrates the union of two families and marks the beginning of a new relationship. The engagement ceremony publicly declares that the boy and the girl are about to get married. 

It also officiates the start of the wedding arrangements. 

Also, the customs and traditions as part of the engagement ceremony are a reminder that Indians respect and nurture the customs while moving forward into modernization. Recently, western influences like the ring exchange have become a part of the Indian engagement ceremony. But the traditional customs are given utmost importance, and the western adaptations are only a subsidiary part.