Best 60 Onion Puns That Will Make You Crazy Cry
Are you prepared to augment your sense of amusement with some tears, or perhaps some spice? You need not look any further; we have more than two hundred onion puns that will either make you laugh until you weep or cry until you laugh. These puns, which range from simple one-liners such as “I’m peeling good” to more complex wordplays like “This onion is really cutting me up” (which is literally making me cry), will make you grin and shed a tear. Furthermore, rest assured that we will not pass judgment if you manage to release a few tears while perusing these quips that will provoke strong emotions. Therefore, take a seat, obtain a tissue (or an onion), and delight in the hilarious world of onions!
Onion Puns and Jokes One-Liner
Sweet chive of mine.
Good chives only.
Chive loved you for a long time.
Congratulations on your recent a-chive-ment.
I love you shal-lot.
I love you five scallion times over.
There’s a leek in the boat.
I really leek you.
Taking a leek.
I’m crying tears of joy!
Onion burps are tear gas.
I’m tearing up just hearing your jokes.
These are some tear-able puns.
No onion, no cry.
For crying out loud!
Don’t be such a cry baby.
Cry me a river.
Chive been thinking…
It rings a bell.
Ring me up sometime.
Let herb be.
I herb you like puns.
I herb it on the grape vine
Herb your enthusiasm.
I met herb before.
“You must be a sweet onion because I can’t stop crying when I think about you.”
“Peeling good after eating some onion rings, if you know what I mean.”
“You know what they say, an onion a day keeps the vampires away.”
The onion was so hot, it had me sweating like a sinner in church.
“I like my onions like I like my jokes, with many layers.”
“Not to brag, but I’m pretty a-peeling, just like an onion.”
“That onion really knocked my socks off – and I wasn’t even wearing any!”
My favorite way to eat onions is with a kiss from my lover.
“I heard onions are great for your heart, but I think they’re stealing mine.”
I don’t always eat onions, but when I do, I make sure it’s a hot one.
An onion is like an ogre, they both have layers and can make you cry.
“I heard onions can help cure a cold, but I prefer to just suffer in bed all day.”
Why do onions make you cry? Because they don’t have any tear-ducts!
I asked my onion if it was crying, but it said “No – I’m just sweating from my eyes!”
What do you call an onion that’s in charge? The root of all evil!
Why did the onion go on a blind date? It wanted to see if there was a spark between them.
Why do onions make the best artists? They have great layers!
Did you hear about the onion that joined a rock band? It was the lead vocalist!
Why do onions make terrible dogs? They never fetch!
What do you call it when an onion gives you a hug? Embrace-a-bulb!
Why won’t onions play board games? They always end up crying over spilled milk!
What do you call an onion that’s a fan of horror movies? A screamish!
I try not to cry when I chop onions, but it’s just too eye-ronic to resist.
Why did the onion get a job in PR? It had great peelings!
How do you make an onion laugh? You tickle its bulb!
What happens when you mix an onion with a computer? You get a vegetable with a lot of chips!
I was feeling onion-y today, so I decided to make French Onion soup.
What do you call an onion that goes to the gym? A muscle spud!
Why was the onion afraid of its own reflection? Because it was a real shallot of itself!
Why did the onion break up with the garlic? The relationship had too many layers.
What do you call an onion that’s a neat freak? Tidy onion!