What is Possessiveness in Love: Here’s How You Can Come Out of a Toxic Relationship!

Love is that delicate thread of willingness to keep someone close to you so much that nobody else matters, not even you – says who? If that’s the kind of relationship you’re in, it’s unhealthy. In fact, it’s what possessive love is. 

When somebody is in love with you or you are in love with somebody, it’s only natural that you’ll care about each other. You would want to know the other person’s safety. Isn’t this possessiveness in love, you might ask us! 

To be very honest, there’s a line between caring about somebody or being possessive. That’s the line that you should know about, and never cross it.

If you want to know what is possessiveness in love, how much is too much, and when to exit a relationship before it gets too toxic and unhealthy, then Sirs’ and Madams’, this will be a delightful post to read. 

Dive in and discover the wonders of true love and why you do not need possessive love in your life.

What is Possessiveness in Love – Is it Normal?

We all cannot be sages, that’s a fact. Which is why there’s going to be a certain level of possessiveness. But that should only be towards the beginning of the relationship, that too, to a certain limit. 

If your love doesn’t grow by the clock and possessiveness increases instead of decreasing, you need to exit the relationship.

As you proceed in life and choose somebody to be a constant part of your journey, trust is the only force that’ll keep you happy. And where there’s trust, possessiveness does not exist.

Here are the signs to watch out for to understand what possessiveness really is so that you don’t confuse it with care.

1. Your partner is so crazy that he/she won’t let you talk to other people. They will make sure they cut you off from your friends. If you suddenly find that your friend circle has diminished, or evaporated completely, you’re in a very toxic relationship. This is the first sign of possessive love to watch out. 
2. Sentences like “he Just wants to get into your pants” or “either it’s me or her, you pick!”, are red flags. Move out because this is a clear cut sign that your relationship is unhealthy. 
3. Your partner has an uncanny urge of going through your DMs. That’s again possessive love. It might look cute at first, but don’t confuse it with care. It’s jealousy.
4. He/she moves and you move: if that’s the case, you’re slowly inching towards possessive love. His/her friends are your ‘only’ friends, that’s again a bad sign.

All the aforementioned signs should have made it clear to you by now what is possessiveness in love. And trust us when we say this, it’s not normal. No happy couple will go through jealousy if the relationship is progressing in the direction that leads to trust. 

Is it Time to Move Out of a Relationship – How Much is Too Much?

We’re not saying you shouldn’t give your relationship a chance. After all, nobody is perfect. But then, there’s a line. Give a relationship a chance only if your partner is willing to understand and give you respect and space. 

When they have a doubt, they will ask you instead of calling you a slut or a playboy. If the person you’re in a relationship with is trying to communicate instead of giving out a character certificate, this is a very good sign. It means that even if your love is slightly possessive right now because it’s new, it might grow and liberate you instead of trapping you. 

But, there are cases when giving the relationship another chance is a big mistake. Let’s find out when the relationship is toxic and not worth continuing. 

1. There’s physical and/or mental abuse. 
2. You’re scared and stressed instead of being happy and hopeful.
3. You feel intimidated by your partner.
4. You’re scared of the consequences if you talk to somebody your partner doesn’t like. 
5. You’re constantly worried that your partner will create a scene in public.
6. There’s fist-fighting and aggressive/abusive verbal confrontation with somebody who just hit on you because they didn’t know you were with somebody already.
7. You’re followed, watched, not allowed to travel alone, and not allowed to have a night-out with your friends. These are signs of a controlling partner. Run for the mountains as soon as you can. Such possessive love can never have a silver lining. This person will make you less and less independent and more and more scared. 

Now that you know what is possessiveness in love and when you should move out of a relationship because it’s toxic, you might want to know whether what you have with your partner is true love or not. If yes, we have the answers and we have compiled them in the upcoming sections. 

True love Vs Infatuation – How to Identify True love from Possessive Love?

Love at first site is a hoax – really! Or, at least, it’s not true love, yet! You couldn’t resist the physical beauty of the other person: that’s what love at first sight is. 

If you’re infatuated, does that mean it’s wrong? Well, absolutely not. 90 times out of 100, you’ll notice how a stranger looks.

Don’t mistake puppy love with true love. While puppy love can certainly grow into true love when you get to know the other person, there’s still lust that will purely drive you in the beginning. 

Again, is lust wrong? Well, if you aren’t luring somebody to your bed despite knowing the other person wants a serious relationship, there’s nothing wrong with lusting for your partner.  

Now that you know infatuation and puppy love will take time to grow into true love, you should also watch out for the early signs of possessive love where there’s no scope. 

1. Your crush (partner) tries to control you physically and force you into doing intimate things you’re not ready for. This sort of love, without a doubt, will be controlling, toxic, abusive, and possessive in the future. 
2. All the decisions (where to go out on a date, what to eat, what to wear, what to watch, who to talk to, etc) will no longer be yours to make. These are the signs that this love you have right now will turn into possessive love, never true love.
3. Hypocrisy will dominate the major part of the time you spend together. The other person will not change even a single thing about their life but they will completely change yours. This love will not turn into true love either. It will turn into possessive love, toxic love, selfish love, and controlling love.

3 Things You Need to Stop Doing for a Healthy Relationship

Who knows, it could be you who’s the reason behind possessive love and aggressiveness in your relationship. 

So, make sure you do not do the following 3 things if you want what you currently have with somebody to turn into true love instead of possessive love. 

1. Don’t be vulnerable and submissive all the time – It’s ok to decide things mutually. It’s not ok to resign to the other person’s wishes every single time. 
2. Don’t put up with aggression – This is the deciding factor whether or not the relationship will turn really violent in the future. If somebody slaps you once, they will do it again. Step out of such a relationship. It’s self-destructive. 
3. Don’t stop loving yourself – Do things that make you happy. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to do things for yourself. The minute you make the other person your entire universe, the love will become possessive. You’ll fear losing the other person instead of loving him/her. 

Concluding Thoughts:

Possessive love will make you fearful of losing your partner. Instead of rejoicing the feeling of being in love, you’ll be surrounded by anxiety, sadness, and fear. This is not true love, this is what possessiveness is love is.

The only way that you’ll ever find true love is when you’ll love yourself and your life. So, instead of killing your desires, give them wings. 

Always remember, somebody who loves you truly will give your wings the air to soar higher instead of clipping them.