How to Tell My Parents I’m Bisexual? HERE ARE 9 TIPS TO HELP YOU
“Coming out” by telling your parents about your sexual orientation can be a liberating and exciting experience. It can also be confusing, emotional, and in some cases, scary.
Remember that there’s no “right way” to come out. This article underlines 9 tips that can help you get there:-
First things First, Your Comfort and Safety Matter Most
You don’t have to come out unless you want to. Before coming out, you should consider whether you feel emotionally ready to do so. Also, importantly, you need to consider your safety. Unfortunately, many of us don’t grow up in accepting and tolerant homes. Safety can be a real issue if you live with a parent or guardian that isn’t tolerant of your orientation.
9 Tips on How to tell Your Parents About Your Sexual Orientation
1. FIRST REACTIONS ARE UNPREDICTABLE
When coming out to your parents whether they suspect anything or not, this is the first time they are hearing this news. You have had months or even years to come to a place of acceptance and being ready to share it. They only just found out so remember first reactions are not always lasting reactions and they will need time to process this information.
2. DETERMINE WHETHER THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME
It is crucial that you take the time to consider your own personal circumstances when making the decision to come out to your parents. What might be the right thing for one person, may not be right for you. Your safety and well-being should always come first.
3. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL THEM BOTH AT THE SAME TIME
If there is one parent you are more nervous about telling, you don’t have to tell them together. Start with the parent you feel safer talking to. You’ll know if it’s best to tell them separately or together so trust your instincts.
4. PICK A GOOD TIME AND PLACE
This news deserves your parent’s full attention. So make sure you choose a time that won’t be interrupted and in a place that feels comfortable for you. You are in control of this situation and its key you feel as comfortable as possible. There may also never be “the perfect time,” and if there is one, you might lose your nerve and let the opportunity pass – that’s okay, don’t sweat it if that happens and try again.
5. BE CLEAR ABOUT WHO THEY CAN TELL
This one can easily be overlooked as you will be so relieved at finally telling them, that its natural to forget to be clear about what you want to happen next. Decide beforehand whether you are comfortable with them sharing the news of your coming out with your family or if you want it kept between you for the time being – be clear about that.
6. THEIR APPROVAL OR PERMISSION IS NOT REQUIRED
Try not to expect too much from your parents and wherever possible, avoid measuring the success of the conversation by their initial response. If it’s not what you hoped for, don’t despair or give up. They may just need more time. This isn’t about them. It’s about you and who you truly are. Show them that you are the same person they’ve always loved, just more honest now.
7. QUESTIONS ARE OK
One concern can be a barrage of questions, especially knowing the answers can sometimes be awkward and uncomfortable. Don’t stress yourself out trying to think of every answer ahead of time. Questions from your parents are natural (but don’t feel pressured into answering things you aren’t comfortable with) and whether you have answers or not just be as honest as you can.
8. HELP EDUCATE THEM
Whatever reaction your parents have; good, bad or ugly, suggest they have a look at these organisations: FFLAG and BeLongTo; They are dedicated to supporting parents of lesbian, gay or bisexual sons and daughters and have a wealth of resources nationwide. It will help educate them on all things LGB and give them the opportunity to speak to other parents for advice.
Had a Word With Them, Now What’s Next
Make sure they know whether they can share this info and suggest resources to learn more
If you don’t want them to tell other people, be totally clear about that. You can say something like “Please keep this between us, as I’m not ready to tell everyone yet” or “I’m going to tell my grandparent(s) next week, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone until then.”
You can send them resources about how to support LGBTQIA+ people. Before you come out, it might be helpful to find one or two resources that resonate with you and keep the links handy. These resources could be articles, videos, podcasts, or even social media pages they can follow.
Try not to Take any Negative Reactions Personally
Unfortunately, coming out doesn’t always go super well. Sometimes, people react negatively — and you need to prepare yourself for that possibility.
If someone is bigoted toward you, that says more about them than it does about you. Your orientation is a part of who you are — it’s not a personal failure or a source of disappointment.
Sometimes people react with disbelief or confusion at first, and later they become more accepting and supportive. Again, this isn’t your fault.
Try to have someone you can vent to about the coming out process. This can help you process your feelings and find support if you need it.
If you feel like Your Safety is in question, you Have Options
If a parent or guardian threatened to harm you or evicted you from your home, there might be options for you.
Try to arrange to stay with a supportive friend or family member, or find an LGBTQIA+ shelter in your area. The National Coalition for the Homeless has some directories to shelters in the United States.
If you’re in the United States, you can also contact The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386. This hotline offers support to people who are suicidal or in crisis. They’re also available if you need to vent to a sympathetic ear.
Lean on your Chosen Community and Surround Yourself with a Support System
It can be so helpful to have a supportive community before, during, and after you come out to your loved ones.
No matter your situation, it’s a good idea to connect with other LGBTQIA+ people. Even if the straight people in your life are totally supportive, having a community of LGBTQIA+ friends can be empowering.
Your school or university might offer counselling and support groups. Otherwise, you might find a support group or meet-up group through a local LGBTQIA+ organization.
If you’re not ready to talk to people in person or if you can’t find a local group, the internet can be an amazing space to talk with others.
Online forums can be a lifeline for LGBTQIA+ people. Just be discerning about who you talk to online.
The Bottom Line!
It’s Ultimately on Your Terms
Who you tell or don’t tell, which words you use, how you talk about your orientation — that’s all up to you. It’s your life, your orientation, and your identity, and it should be on your terms.
If you don’t want to come out at all, that’s fine—- it doesn’t mean that you’re any less brave than those who are out.
It’s an ongoing, Never-Ending Process
Because society assumes everyone is heterosexual unless stated otherwise, you’ll likely have to have to come out a lot over the course of your life.
Many people will assume you’re straight, which means you may have to correct dozens of people throughout your lifetime. As such, “coming out” typically isn’t a single event, but something you do over and over again.
This can be pretty exhausting. But remember, it’s on your terms entirely. If you don’t feel like correcting them, that’s OK. If you don’t feel safe enough to talk about your orientation, you don’t have to.
It’s your orientation, your identity, and your decision.
